About tony

Tony Payne is a Freelance Writer and IT Professional who lives with his wife on the south coast of England.

A Rather Amazing Story Unravelled

If you haven’t yet read my article A Rather Amazing Story yet, I highly recommend that you do, so that this article makes sense. Without reading the original story, this article will really be meaningless. You should see the previous part of the story in the list of Recent Articles on the right hand side of the page.

Ok, I assume if you are reading this then you have read the original article, A Rather Amazing Story. If not, then I guess you might after reading this one, but it really won’t have the same effect.

I really thought when I wrote this story for the First Of April that people would understand it, but it seems from the comments I received that so many didn’t, in fact it looks like maybe 4 out of 5 people who read it missed the point.

So as to not disappoint everyone, I will let you in on some secrets.

Are you ready?

Right. If you remember, A Rather Amazing Story sees me taking my dog for a walk on the common, and having a strange adventure.

Here are some facts…

I took my dog for a walk on the common

My dog was a German Shepherd / Border Collie cross

Common land is where the common people could graze their animals

There is a site of a Roman camp on the common

My Stepmother was a well known medium

She could see figures at the Roman camp

There is a stream that flows out of the ground

My dog loved to chase birds and animals

We came across a rabbit and my dog just stared at it

The dog and rabbit starred at each other

They wandered off into the woods together

I followed them and heard strange noises

The noises sounded like “Genoa deh-itis”

Well how many of you thought that this was all true and went “WOW”?

More than a few of you from the comments…

I will tell you now, that not everything I told you was true, but do you know which facts were real and which were not?

To let you out of your misery…

I used to take my dog for a walk on the common, and he was indeed a German Shepherd / Border Collie cross.

Common land was allocated in medieval times for common people to graze their animals, now it’s parkland.

This common does have the site of a Roman camp, as well as the source of a spring that flows across the common.

My stepmother was a well known medium, and could see figures at ancient sites in England. She did see Roman soldiers at this camp.

My dog loved to chase birds and animals, but we never saw any animal that he just stayed and starred at.

At this point the facts come to an end, and the fiction begins…

We never did see a rabbit that my dog made friends with.

They didn’t wander off into the woods together.

And finally, I didn’t hear those mysterious words whispered in the woods.

Oh yes, those mysterious whispered words, “Genoa deh-itis”…

Try saying them out loud, and put the emphasis on the first syllable of the second word. “Genoa deh-itis”, “Genoa deh-itis”…

A handful of people got close, and I let them in on the secret, but for the rest of you…

“Genoa deh-itis”, “Genoa deh-itis”, “Ja know what day it is?”, “Do you know what day it is?”

Does it make sense now?

If you think about the date that this article was published, it was the first of April, otherwise known as April Fools Day!

Do you know what day it is?

April Fool!

I hope you enjoyed the story, and I hope you are now suitably enlightened.

I would love to hear what you thought of the story and my trickery, and maybe some ideas for future stories or ways to make this even better.

Happy Easter, and Thank You so much for making this story one of the most commented on Associated Content for April Fools Day.

Oh yes, I almost forgot. The common does in fact exist, it’s Wimbledon Common, only about a mile from the famous Wimbledon Tennis Club that everyone has heard of. It has the site of a Roman Camp, a spring, and also a working Windmill. It’s a great place to walk the dog or take the children for a walk and a picnic.

This story in two parts was written by me and originally published on Yahoo Voices. I hope you enjoyed it.

A Rather Amazing Story

This is something strange that happened to me a few years ago and that I would like to share with you. I think you will agree that it is a rather amazing story.

I used to regularly take my dog out for a walk, and there was a large common close to where I lived, where I could let him off the lead and he used to really enjoy being able to run free.

For those of you who don’t live in the UK, “Common Land” was originally land set aside for the “Common People” or Peasants to farm or to graze their animals. Today the Commons that remain are open spaces, more like parks, where you can take walks in the woods, or down by the lakes and rivers, depending on where you are.

My dog was a German Shepherd crossed with a Border Collie, and he used to love to chase birds and squirrels, and when he had the chance the occasional rabbit too. If we went by a lake or river, he loved to jump in and chase the ducks, and they used to swim just far ahead of him, leading him on further and further, until he was worn out.

This particular common where I used to go walking was fairly large, and at one end had the remains of what had once been a Roman camp, although you couldn’t see anything these days, not unless you knew it was there. My step-mother had been there years ago, and had been able to see some figures though. She had clairvoyant powers, and was actually a fairly well known medium in the UK at one time.

At another point on the common was the start of an ancient spring, where the water comes out of the ground, and as long as there hasn’t been a dry summer, the water still flows out from the source, and the spring winds it’s way through the woods and across the common.

But I digress from the story that I was going to tell you, however I wanted to give you a bit of a background to this magical place where I enjoyed many dog walking sessions, which allowed me to clear my head, watching my faithful friend sniff around and just enjoy doing what dogs do when they are given the opportunity.

On this particular day, it was around Easter time if I remember right, we had walked into the common from where I parked the car, and were headed into the woods beyond where the stream begins to flow, when my dog stopped and cocked up his head.

I stopped too, wondering what he had seen, and there about 20 feet in front of us, to the side of the path that we were taking, was a rabbit.

The rabbit was just sitting there, not afraid, and what was really amazing was that my dog, who normally would have been off in a shot, just stood there, and it was almost as if the two of them were communicating with each other and had some sort of empathy. It was really odd.

Then my dog actually walked slowly up the the rabbit and sniffed around it, wagging it’s tail, and I couldn’t believe it, but the rabbit just sat there, unafraid and didn’t move. I couldn’t believe that this was happening.

We stood like this for what must have been a few minutes, with my dog stiffing at the rabbit and wagging it’s tail like crazy, and then the rabbit turned it’s head as if to say “follow me”, and loll-oped off into the woods. My dog followed, walking behind it, and I just followed on behind the two of them, wishing I had my camera with me, as nobody would believe what had just happened.

The rabbit didn’t take a well trodden path of course, it bobbed through ferns and gorse bushes, followed by my dog, trotting behind, while I had to take a slightly different route in places where I would have just got my clothes snagged up on the prickles.

I could keep track of them though thankfully, because I could hear the rustling of the leaves from my dog.

They kept on going for a few hundred yards, heading deeper into the wooded section, somewhere that I hadn’t ventured before, because there were no paths through that section, so it was truly off the beaten path.

I lost track of them for a moment, as they had got ahead of me, and I could no longer hear the rustling of my dog moving through the brush, so I stopped to see if I could hear where they were.

All I heard was complete silence, except for the light breeze blowing through the trees above, and making a few leaves move, but I thought I heard voices, just quiet whispering voices, rather like the leaves were making the sound of words. It was something like “Genoa deh-itis” or that’s how I remember it. It was really weird.

This strange whispering sound went on for a few minutes, and I thought, this can’t be just the noise of the wind, as it sounded so odd, “Genoa deh-itis” it sounded like.

The silence was then suddenly broken as my dog trotted out of the bushes, wagging it’s tail, and really excited to be back with me. He let me know as he often did that he wanted to go, and so the two of us went off through the woods, found our way back to a section of the woods where we sometimes walked, and continued on.

With it being April already and with Easter coming up this weekend, I suddenly thought back to this amazing day, and even now I will never forget the sounds that I heard from deep in the woods… “Genoa deh-itis”, “Genoa deh-itis”.

I couldn’t figure out what the whispering voices were saying, but maybe, just maybe, if you say these words aloud to yourself, you can figure it out… “Genoa deh-itis”, “Genoa deh-itis”.

This story was originally published by me on Yahoo Voices.

Midwives Wedlock And The Talking Folk Club Blues

My wife and I were watching a television series called Call The Midwife over the weekend. It aired in the UK earlier this year, but we were too busy at the time to watch it, and recorded it on our Sky Box.  We decided to watch the series over the weekend, and it’s nothing short of excellent, even though this is a guy saying this!

Call The Midwife is based on the life of a midwife in the East End of London back in the 1950′s, and the midwives are based in a convent. Some of the characters are eccentric, especially an elderly Nun who during the first episode happened to speak the lines “with beaded bubbles winking at the brim“, which instantly grabbed my attention.

I have only ever heard those words before as lines in a comic folk song by the late Fred Wedlock, a folk singer from Bristol in the West Country of England, and had no idea that they origiated somewhere else.

A quick Google revealed that this is part of a verse from “Ode To A Nightingale” by John Keats:

O for a draught of vintage! that hath been
Cool’d a long age in the deep-delvèd earth,
Tasting of Flora and the country-green,
Dance, and Provençal song, and sunburnt mirth!
O for a beaker full of the warm South!
Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,
With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,
And purple-stainèd mouth;
That I might drink, and leave the world unseen,
And with thee fade away into the forest dim.

The context in which Fred Wedlock uses them is rather different, and the setting is a dimly lit and smoky folk club:

Then I seen this groupie standin’ there
All bosom, bum and long blonde hair
In a backless, topless boiler suit
And high heeled, hobnailed army boots

I said, “What you drinkin’ kiddo?”
She said “Something long and cool man”
I said “Beer or Scrumpy?”
She said, “Cider…”

“Cider, the distillation of the forbidden fruit of Paradise, full of the true, the blushfull hippocrene, with beaded bubble winking at the brim and purple stained mouth. Cider, loosens my libido, transports me into realms of ethereal delights and blows my cosmic mind – Yeah, whoa, too much”.

I said, “Bloody hell, How do you rate beer then?”
She said, “Oh beer’s a drag man, makes me fart”.

All of which brought back fond memories of my university days in the mid seventies, when I saw Fred Wedlock in concert several times, and he always put on a wonderful show.  I was saddened to learn of his death in March 2010, and I will always have great memories of singing along to his rollickingly funny comic folk songs, like this one, Talking Folk Club Blues.

Fred Wedlock is best known in the UK for hit hit single “The Oldest Swinger In Town”, although I personally find some of his earlier songs like “The Vicar And The Frog”, “Robin Head” and “Handier Household Help” funnier.

His albums (I still have my LP’s on vinyl) when converted to CD were for years hard to find online, but now you can obtain then via Amazon both in the UK and USA, and even better they are available as MP3 downloads.

If you enjoy comic folk songs, I think you might just enjoy Fred Wedlock.  You can find his music on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk.

Do You Suffer With Cold Feet In Bed?

The Bed Buddy from Carex - a great microwaveable heating padDo you suffer with cold feet in bed and find it hard to warm them up?

The cure might be easier than you think, at least I found a solution last week that works for me, and it’s really quite simple.

Debbie has been away visiting her daughter for two weeks, and since she is usually the first one into bed at night, I am no longer used to getting into a cold bed.

Suffice it to say that since I usually sit in the living room barefoot, my feet are cold when I get into bed, and try as hard as I might, I was unable to get my mind to focus on anything other than the fact than my feet were freezing cold, which kept me awake and my whole body feeling cold.

To try and counter this I tried putting on socks when I went to bed, and even wore slippers in the evening so my feet would not feel so cold, but it made little difference.

Then, last Monday morning I woke up with a sore back.  I don’t know what happened, maybe I laid funny during the night, but wake up with a bad back I did, and the soreness lasted the whole week.

When I get a sore back, which is more often than not caused by a trapped nerve, I find the best treatments to be stretching, and using one of the pads that you heat in the microwave.

So, come bedtime on Monday night, I heated up the pad, and when I got into bed I laid it on me where my back was sore, which was the kidney area on the right side.

I was instantly really comfortable, lying down and cuddling with this warm pad, and it dawned on me that not only did the warm sensation confuse my brain into forgetting about the pain in my back, it also told it to forget about whether my feet were cold or not.

The heating pad that we have is a Bed Buddy from Carex, but you can find a huge selection of Microwave Heating Padson Amazon, there is something there to suit everyone.

Very often if your hands, feet or even ears are cold, it makes your whole body feel cold, no matter what you are wearing. That’s why in cold weather people wear thick socks, gloves and ear muffs or hats.

It only takes one of those sensitive parts of your body to feel cold to trigger a reaction in the brain telling you that you are cold all over.

So if you get into a cold bed and your brain senses that your feet are cold, it’s hard for your whole body to feel warm.

Confuse the brain however by snuggling up to something warm, and that feeling of warmth overrides the sensors in your brain that tell you your feet are cold.  Instead your whole body should feel cosy and warm, allowing you to get to sleep more easily.

My Zecharia Sitchin Lens Is On The Front Page Today

Zecharia Sitchin Author Of The Earth ChroniclesI just found out that my Squidoo lens about Zecharia Sitchin is being featured on the front page of Squidoo today.  That explains the extra traffic I guess.

If you haven’t heard of Zecharia Sitchin and you are interested in ancient mysteries, like those featured in the books by Erik Von Daniken like Chariots Of The Gods, then I am sure you will find Sitchin’s works fascinating.

Unloved Lenses Of The Week 20 Feb 2012

SquidooAs many of you know I am a lensmaster on Squidoo, which in plain English means that I am a creator and publisher of pages (lenses) on a site called Squidoo.

While some of my lenses generally perform fairly well, there are others that perform like a proverbial Lead Balloon unfortunately.

On a discussion today on Facebook I thought it might be a good idea to post a weekly article where I list one of my lowest ranking lenses, and invite other lensmasters to add one of theirs via comments.

Feel free to add a lens of your own, just one please. A short description of the lens, what it means to you, or a note about it, would be nice, and if you have time to visit any of the other lenses that are listed, that would be even better.

One of my lowest ranking lenses this week is Demi Moore Movies And Collectables which is languishing with a lensrank of 290,000. Hopefully she will be back in fashion soon.

Please don’t spam! Any more than one lens in the comment and you will be banned, and Squidoo lenses only please. Any other web sites that are added will be reported.

Back Up And Running

Well after a lot of hard work, a lot of learning, a few pitfalls, SQL database patches, data exports and imports, here we are on our new host server, and hopefully better protected against the evils of the virus that forced us to take all our sites offline in the last few weeks.

I am hoping you find this better, faster, and easier to navigate than before.

Right now most things are working, but I still have to set up the sidebar options correctly to add more links etc.

Please feel free to comment if you find any problems with the site not loading or displaying properly.

Next Task: Our other sites “The Laughline” and “Squidblogs” will receive the same treatment.

 

 

On Our Way Back

We unfortunately got hacked a few weeks ago and a malicious script infected our sites.

The good news is that we are on our way back up, and all posts have been restored.

Please bare with us while we add back all the belle and whistles that make the site complete.

Problems you may see right now:

  • Videos do not display
  • The sidebar appears below the posts not alongside them

You should see things get back to normal in the next few days.

If you do experience any strange problems, like blank pages, or other content missing or behaving badly, please leave a comment on this post and let us know.

The World Is Running Out Of Money – But Who Do We Owe It To?

The World Is Running Out Of MoneyAll you hear about in the news these days is how much the major countries of the world are in debt.

The USA is in deep debt.  The UK just went £1 Trillion into debt.  Most of Europe is in deep debt, Italy and Greece in particular, and the whole Eurozone financial crisis is putting the economic recovery plans of not only the UK but the USA at risk too.

In mid January the credit rating for France was dropped, which added yet another factor, threatening the Eurozone bailout plan.

It just seems to be a never ending downhill spiral, and yet if you step back and think about it, this is just crazy.

The once wealthiest countries in the world are deep in debt.  They are also trying to help the poorer countries in Europe who are in even worse debt, which is dragging them down further in turn.

What I would like to know though is who is all this debt owed to?  If the USA and UK owe vast sums of money and most of Europe too, then who is the creditor?

It can’t be the Russians, because they are deep in their own debt crisis.  Maybe it’s the Chinese and a master plan to control the world.

Actually a lot of the US debt is in Treasury Securities, which are funded by wealthy investors, as well as corporations, retirement funds and governments around the world.  Surprisingly enough, about 25% of the national debt in the USA is held by foreign governments, the largest being Japan, then China, the UK and then the major oil producing nations.

In the UK, about 40% of the national debt is owed to insurance companies and pension funds, and a whopping 35% to foreign investors,and then next in line comes the Bank Of England.

Another big question comes to mind, “Who are these foreign investors who have such a big stake in the UK?”.

Is it Middle Eastern individuals, companies or governments? Is it private investors like Bill Gates? Is it the Russian Mafia maybe?

The interesting thing is that no amount of Googling seems to throw up any documents with information on how this is made up.

It’s a little worrying don’t you think, that all of our countries are fast going downhill financially, and a siezable chunk of the debt is owed to foreigners.  So what happens if there is ever a “crunch day” when the debt is called on?  Could our countries then come under the thumb of foreign powers?  It would probably make a good fiction story, but I hope it never comes true…

Sources:

The Bond Market Explained

UK National Debt

Who Owns The US National Debt

Another Writing Milestone Is Imminent

Just over 2 years ago on 12th January 2010 I joined the many other writers on a site called Associated Content where I hoped to find new friends and to expand my writing exposure to new eyes, as well as to boost my earnings.

Today, if all goes well, I should reach the covetted level of Clout 10, which means that I have had over 330,000 page views on 707 articles, and reached the top of the ladder.

Since joining Associated Content the site has undergone a lot of changes, being taken over by Yahoo!, and finally after a year of changes and countless problems if looks like they are heading in the right direction again.

In the last two years I have written about many topics, including my favorite Travel and Humor ones, but also Religion and Politics, which have never really interested me much in the past, but which in the last few years have prompted me to write more about them.

I hope that you have time to browse through my articles, which you can find on the now renamed Yahoo Contributor Network, and I have to commemorate reaching this goal I have created a page on Squidoo about Tony Payne On Yahoo Voices, which lists all my articles as well as giving some good writing tips and ways in which writing on Yahoo has helped me with ideas for creating lenses on Squidoo.